Archive for June, 2006
The Best Divorce Letter
Posted by Nico Yan in Uncategorized Tuesday, 27 June 2006 06:38 No Comments
Dear Amanda,
I know the counselor said we shouldn’t contact each other during our “cooling off” period, but I couldn’t wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I’d never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking.
Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.
But now I see that my pride cost me a lot of things. I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss you. I don’t care about looking bad anymore. I don’t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it’s time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.
And this is what my heart says: “There’s no one like you, Amanda.” I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they’re not you. They’re not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me.
I don’t say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood-spent ice-skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. **** like you wouldn’t believe and an ass that just wouldn’t quit. Every man’s dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we’ve made important in our lives. It’s all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I’m getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Amanda? I doubt it. And I’d never really thought of that before.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just growing up a little. Later, after I’d tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, “Why do I feel so drained and empty?” It wasn’t just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Same nagging feeling of loss.
Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn’t feel the same because you weren’t there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you.
Holy cow, Amanda, I’m just going crazy without you. Everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn’t eating right without a woman around. I didn’t know what she meant till later, but that’s not the real story.
Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we’re banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart’s a total monster in the sack. She’s giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she’s not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother’s old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it’s totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can’t help thinking, “Why didn’t Amanda ever put the mirror on the floor? We’ve had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy.”
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky’s just a kid and all, but she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she’s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She’s given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She’s pulling for us! To get back together, Amanda, she really is. So we’re doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about Happier times. Here’s this teenage girl with the same
DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky’s really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how
even then, when I’m thrusting inside your baby sister’s cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?
It’s true, Amanda. In your heart you must know it. Don’t you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.
Otherwise, can you please tell me where the ****ing remote is?
Popularity: unranked
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Happy 13th Wedding Monthsary!!
Posted by Nico Yan in Uncategorized Tuesday, 27 June 2006 06:24 No Comments
This goes to my wife Riza, for spending 13 months of marriage with me. Ive searched the dictionary to find the right word to say to you, but alas I cant find one. Then I put 3 words together to form one word, I Love You.
Have I told you how good it feels to be me,
when I’m in you?
I can only stay clean
when you are around.
Don’t let me fall.
If I close my eyes forever,
would it ease the pain?
Could I breathe again?Maybe I’m addicted,
I’m out of control,
but you’re the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I’m a liar,
but all I really know is
you’re the only reason I’m trying.I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I’m not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.
Popularity: unranked
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Men In The Eyes Of Women
Posted by Nico Yan in Uncategorized Sunday, 25 June 2006 22:25 No Comments
For all the men who like to send blonde jokes, pay backs are hell…
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don’t stop and ask for directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don’t know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
When do you care for a man’s company?
When he owns it.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go bed; Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
How are men and parking spots alike?
Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They’re married.
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Windows & Mac OS To Run Side-By-Side
Posted by Nico Yan in General Wednesday, 21 June 2006 23:20 No Comments
Parallels, a start-up whose software enables Macs to run Microsoft Windows and the Mac OS at the same time, says it is ready with a final version of its product. Apple Computer made headlines back in April when it said it would offer its own software–Boot Camp–for loading Windows onto Macs. However, Boot Camp permits people to run only one operating system at a time, meaning either Windows or the Mac OS can be in use, but not both at once.
Around the same time, Parallels started testing for its Parallels Desktop program, which uses virtualization technology to have Windows programs operate alongside Mac applications. The Windows programs open in a separate window within the Mac OS.
Unlike past software that allowed Windows programs to run on a Mac, Parallels Desktop does not need to emulate the hardware that’s inside a PC. That’s because Macs and PCs now use the same Intel-based chips. As a result, the speed of Parallels is far better than past efforts at bringing together the two operating systems, the software start-up said. In fact, Parallels says Windows programs can run nearly as fast through its virtualization as running natively on a Windows PC.
"The difference in performance between Parallels and Boot Camp is negligible," said Parallels marketing manager Ben Rudolph. "Things move very, very fast."
Being able to run Windows programs is seen as a potentially significant catalyst for Mac sales. Needham analyst Charlie Wolf upgraded Apple’s stock on Tuesday, saying that the combination of Boot Camp and programs like Parallels could help the Cupertino, Calif.-based company gain market share.
"The trigger for our upgrade is the prospect that a significant number of Windows users will switch to a Mac once it’s able to run Windows applications," Wolf wrote in a report. He cited a survey by his firm, which found that in the U.S., some 8 percent of home PC owners would switch to a Mac if it could run Windows. "An increase of this magnitude would almost triple Apple’s share in the home market and increase it 75 percent worldwide," Wolf wrote.
Put through its paces
The Parallels software has been in testing since April, and more than 100,000 people have tried it out, according to the company. Interest has come not only from hobbyists eager to try out Microsoft’s operating system on their Mac at home, but also from governments, businesses and schools that want to have their Macs better able to converse in a Windows-dominated world.
Parallels Windows on Mac
Canada’s University of Waterloo, for example, has been testing Parallels software. It plans to use it in the Mac lab of its environmental studies department so students can benefit from a number of programs that aren’t available for Apple machines.
"I’ve been very impressed with the performance of it," said Don Duff-McCracken, a graphics and computer-aided design systems manager at the university. Duff-McCracken said he has been using the Parallels tool to run processor-intensive software, such as the World Construction Set software for rendering terrain.
Duff-McCracken compared applications in Parallels with the same ones running directly in Windows via Boot Camp. The performance in Parallels was within 1 to 2 percent of the other, he said. And both Mac-based options were faster than some recently acquired Dell machines the school had.
"It’s running this sophisticated software at native speeds," he said.
While Boot Camp is essentially a tool for letting a Mac run either Windows or the Mac OS, Parallels makes both operating systems available at the same time. To do this, Windows runs as what is known as a virtual machine–essentially acting as if it was a separate PC.
Boot Camp, meanwhile, is still in beta, though Apple has said it will be part of Leopard, the next version of Mac OS X. The company is expected to outline Leopard’s key features at a developer conference in August.
Parallels plans to eventually charge $79 for its software, though it is selling it for $49 for the next 30 days. It has been offering it for $10 less than that for beta testers who pre-ordered the final version.
A potential challenge for the start-up is that Apple may decide to offer, in addition to Boot Camp, a feature that acts more like Parallels in allowing Windows programs to run within the Mac OS. There has been speculation that Leopard might have such abilities.
Rudolph said Parallels can’t spend its time worrying about what others might do.
"All we do is virtualization," he said. "Apple has got hundreds of different products. I believe we are going to have a faster, better solution regardless of what happens."
Herndon, Va.-based Parallels got its start when its two founders were doing freelance help-desk work. They found they had a knack for virtualization and came up with the software engine behind Parallels Desktop.
The company now has 75 employees, with more being added on a weekly basis, Rudolph said.
"We went from being a little tiny company to a little tiny company with a huge product," he said.
The company also has some venture funding, though Rudolph did not offer many specifics. "We definitely have enough money to keep the lights on for the next couple of years," he said.
Popularity: unranked
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How To Say “I Love You” In 100 Languages
Posted by Nico Yan in General Friday, 16 June 2006 06:39 No Comments
English – I love you
Afrikaans – Ek het jou lief
Albanian – Te dua
Arabic – Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic – Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian – Yes kez sirumen
Bambara – M’bi fe
Bengali – Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee)
Belarusian – Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya – Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian – Obicham te
Cambodian – Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese – Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan – T’estimo
Cherokee – Tsi ge yu i (Thanks Nancy!)
Cheyenne – Ne mohotatse
Chichewa – Ndimakukonda
Corsican – Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol – Mi aime jou
Croatian – Volim te
Czech – Miluji te
Danish – Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch – Ik hou van jou
Elvish – Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien)
Esperanto – Mi amas vin
Estonian – Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian – Afgreki’
Faroese – Eg elski teg
Farsi – Doset daram
Filipino – Mahal kita
Finnish – Mina rakastan sinua
French – Je t’aime, Je t’adore
Frisian РIk h̢ld fan dy
Gaelic – Ta gra agam ort
Georgian – Mikvarhar
German – Ich liebe dich
Greek – S’agapo
Gujarati – Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon – Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian – Aloha Au Ia`oe
Hebrew (Thanks Lilach)
Hebrew to male: “ani ohev otcha” (said by male) “Ohevet ot’cha” (said by female)
Hebrew to female: “ani ohev otach” (said by male) “ohevet Otach” (said by female)
Hiligaynon – Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi – Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong – Kuv hlub koj
Hopi – Nu’ umi unangwa’ta
Hungarian РSzerelmes vagyok bel̩d(Thanks Csaba!)
Icelandic – Eg elska tig
Ilonggo – Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian – Saya cinta padamu
Inuit – Negligevapse
Irish – Taim i’ ngra leat
Italian – Ti amo
Japanese – Aishiteru
Kannada – Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan – Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili – Nakupenda
Konkani – Tu magel moga cho
Korean – Sarang Heyo
Latin – Te amo
Latvian – Es tevi miilu
Lebanese – Bahibak
Lithuanian – Tave myliu
Luxembourgeois – Ech hun dech gäer
Macedonian – Te Sakam
Malay – Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam – Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Maltese – Inhobbok
Mandarin Chinese – Wo ai ni
Marathi – Me tula prem karto
Mohawk – Kanbhik
Moroccan – Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl – Ni mits neki
Navaho – Ayor anosh’ni
Norwegian – Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan – Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan – Inaru Taka
Papiamento – Mi ta stimabo
Persian – Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin – Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish – Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese – Eu te amo
Romanian – Te iubesc
Russian – Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic – Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian – Volim te
Setswana – Ke a go rata
Sign Language – ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing’I Love You’)
Sindhi – Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux – Techihhila
Slovak – Lu`bim ta
Slovenian – Ljubim te
Spanish – Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili – Ninapenda wewe
Swedish – Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German – Ich lieb Di
Surinam – Mi lobi joe
Tagalog – Mahal kita
Taiwanese – Wa ga ei li
Tahitian – Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil – Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu – Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai – Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai – Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish – Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian – Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu – mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese – Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese – Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh – ‘Rwy’n dy garu di
Yiddish – Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba – Mo ni fe
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